beer is expensive 
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As I know I shout at the fly aswell sharing me drink lol
I heard the doc say the same thing
Hahahaha 
Hear about the new restaurant called Karma?
There’s no menu: You get what you deserve.
There’s no menu: You get what you deserve.
Many , Many People need to try it's menu
True, not enough people get to dine at that fine restaurant
“I asked my teacher for advice when taking my math exam and he said that I should always read through the paper first. That’s the last time I listen to him. I was halfway through my horoscope when I heard, “Okay, pencils down.””
I wonder what their horoscope said
I often thought that back in the day when teachers had news papers in class haha
Two men from the city decided to head to the mountains in the middle of winter to do some ice fishing. They’d heard from friends how good it was so they decided to take advantage of the cold weather and head to a frozen lake.
Just before they got to the lake they stopped at a little bait shop and got all their tackle. One of them said: “We’re gonna need an ice pick.”
So they got that and took off. In less than two hours, one of them was back at the shop and said: “We’re gonna need another dozen ice picks.”
The worker in the shop wanted to ask some questions, but he didn’t, so he sold him the picks and the man left. In about an hour, he was back and said: “We’re gonna need all the ice picks you’ve got.”
The worker couldn’t stand it any longer so he asked: “By the way, how are you fellows doing?”
“Not very well at all,” he answered. “We haven’t even got the boat in the water yet.”
Just before they got to the lake they stopped at a little bait shop and got all their tackle. One of them said: “We’re gonna need an ice pick.”
So they got that and took off. In less than two hours, one of them was back at the shop and said: “We’re gonna need another dozen ice picks.”
The worker in the shop wanted to ask some questions, but he didn’t, so he sold him the picks and the man left. In about an hour, he was back and said: “We’re gonna need all the ice picks you’ve got.”
The worker couldn’t stand it any longer so he asked: “By the way, how are you fellows doing?”
“Not very well at all,” he answered. “We haven’t even got the boat in the water yet.”
AH City People are so good in the wilds
Two little boys stole a load of apples from a neighbours apple tree.
They decided to go to a quiet place to share the lot equally.
One of them suggested the nearby cemetery.
As they were jumping over the gate to enter the cemetery, they dropped two apples, but they didn't bother to pick them since they had enough.
A few minutes later, a drunk, on his way from a bar, passed near the cemetery gate & heard a voice saying: "One for me, one for you. One for me, one for you. One for me, one for you."
He immediately sobered up & ran as fast as he could to a church nearby, for the priest.
"Father, please come with me. Come & witness God & Satan sharing corpses at the cemetery.”
They both ran back to the cemetery gate & the voice continued: "One for me, one for you. One for me, one for you. One for me, one for you."
Suddenly, the voice stopped counting & said: "What about the two at the gate?"
You've never seen 2 people running so fast!
They decided to go to a quiet place to share the lot equally.
One of them suggested the nearby cemetery.
As they were jumping over the gate to enter the cemetery, they dropped two apples, but they didn't bother to pick them since they had enough.
A few minutes later, a drunk, on his way from a bar, passed near the cemetery gate & heard a voice saying: "One for me, one for you. One for me, one for you. One for me, one for you."
He immediately sobered up & ran as fast as he could to a church nearby, for the priest.
"Father, please come with me. Come & witness God & Satan sharing corpses at the cemetery.”
They both ran back to the cemetery gate & the voice continued: "One for me, one for you. One for me, one for you. One for me, one for you."
Suddenly, the voice stopped counting & said: "What about the two at the gate?"
You've never seen 2 people running so fast!
I'll have to share this one .
Diana Ross invited 6 people round for dinner but only 5 turned up and when asked what she was going to do she replied I Will Serve 5
I found the story you shared quite amusing! It had a clever twist at the end, which added to its humor. It's a good example of a light-hearted anecdote that can bring a smile to people's faces. Thank you for sharing it!
Diana Ross's response, "I Will Serve 5," showcases her grace and determination to make the best of the situation by ensuring the guests who did attend have a great dining experience. It's a clever and humorous way of emphasizing the importance of hospitality and making the most out of any situation
They haven't even managed to get their boat onto the frozen lake, indicating their lack of knowledge about ice fishing...They took ice pick literally, thinking they needed a lot of them to break through the ice .
That's a funny story!
Boyfriend trouble
A teenager brings her new boyfriend home to meet her parents. They’re appalled by his haircut, his tattoos, his piercings.Later, the girl’s mom says, “Dear, he doesn’t seem to be a very nice boy.”
“Oh, please, Mom!” says the daughter. “If he wasn’t nice, would he be doing 500 hours of community service?
Man overboard
A gawky lad from New England came to New York with his girl, and took her to nearby Playland Amusement Park. They had heard a lot about the Tunnel of Love and were especially anxious to try it out. But when they got home, the kids expressed disappointment.“Shucks,” the boy said, “it was dark and damp and uncomfortable. Besides, we got soaking wet.”
“How come?” asked a friend. “Did the boat leak?”
The kid looked amazed. “There’s a boat?”
One day a man showed up at the office wearing a pair of new shoes made of turtle skin. When a co-worker asked him how he liked them, he replied thoughtfully, “Well, they’re the most comfortable shoes I’ve ever worn but I do have one unusual problem with them. It took me an hour and a half to walk out of the store.
Slow and Steady wins the race
Eh, no, no he wouldn't 
I wonder if that the reason he bought these shoes
the daughter's response is humorous
the co-worker likely expected a different reason for the delay in leaving the store
After a prolonged drought when the rain came, all the animals in the forest were happy except the Kangaroo. When the others asked him what the reason was for such sadness, the Kangaroo revealed that the rain meant that all its kids would now be playing inside.