Haha, poor kangaroo! I guess rainy days aren't much fun for kangaroo parents. But hey, at least they're keeping their joeys dry!
Sticky Fun Mega Thread
- Thread starter somancky
- Start date
"Rainy days and Mondays always get me down"
My boss was honest with me today. He pulled up to work with his sweet new car this morning and I complimented him on it. He replied, "Well, if you work hard, set goals, stay determined and put in long hours, I can get an even better one next year.
A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Johnny isn't paying attention, so she asks him, "If there are three ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are left?" Johnny says, "None." The teacher asks, "Why?" Johnny says, "Because the shot scared them all off." The teacher says, "No, two, but I like how you're thinking." Johnny asks the teacher, "If you see three women walking out of an ice cream parlor, one is licking her ice cream, one is sucking her ice cream, and one is biting her ice cream, which one is married?" The teacher says, "The one sucking her ice cream." Johnny says, "No, the one with the wedding ring, but I like how you're thinking!"
Ilike the way your thinking too
he's not wrong 
Lol that's true hehehe 
A guy asks a lawyer about his fees.
“I charge $50 for three questions”, the lawyer says.
“That’s awfully steep, isn’t it?”, the guy asks.
“Yes, I suppose so”, the lawyer replies. “Now what’s your final question?”
“I charge $50 for three questions”, the lawyer says.
“That’s awfully steep, isn’t it?”, the guy asks.
“Yes, I suppose so”, the lawyer replies. “Now what’s your final question?”
"Can I get a refund ?"
There may be charges for that lol
A man was waiting for a bus one day, when he noticed a young blonde woman digging a hole and another blonde immediately filling the hole back in with dirt.
He watched as they moved up the street doing this over and over again.
The first blonde dug a hole, and the second one filled the dirt right back in.
After a few minutes, he decided to ask them, “Excuse me, what are you ladies doing?”
“We’re working” the first blonde replied.
“Just the two of you?” He inquired.
“Well,” the second blonde chimed in, “There’s usually three of us, but the girl that plants the trees called out sick.”
He watched as they moved up the street doing this over and over again.
The first blonde dug a hole, and the second one filled the dirt right back in.
After a few minutes, he decided to ask them, “Excuse me, what are you ladies doing?”
“We’re working” the first blonde replied.
“Just the two of you?” He inquired.
“Well,” the second blonde chimed in, “There’s usually three of us, but the girl that plants the trees called out sick.”
Haha
, that's one way to keep the streets interesting!
, that's one way to keep the streets interesting!
Can I pay in installments or should I start saving up for the next century's consultation?"
Challenge accepted! I'll start practicing my car appreciation skills now. Who knows, maybe I'll be driving in style with you next year!
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says, "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence; then a gun shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says, "OK, now what?
Us Hunters are very practical people
It was raining hard, and a big puddle had formed in front of an Irish pub.
An old man stood beside the puddle holding a stick with a string on the end and moved it up and down in the water. A curious gentleman asked what he was doing.
“Fishing,” replied the old man.
“Poor old fool,” thought the gentleman, so he asked the old man to go for a drink.
Feeling he should start some conversation while they were sipping their whiskey, the gentleman asked, “And how many have you caught?”
“You’re the eighth.”
An old man stood beside the puddle holding a stick with a string on the end and moved it up and down in the water. A curious gentleman asked what he was doing.
“Fishing,” replied the old man.
“Poor old fool,” thought the gentleman, so he asked the old man to go for a drink.
Feeling he should start some conversation while they were sipping their whiskey, the gentleman asked, “And how many have you caught?”
“You’re the eighth.”
It was Christmas Eve at the meat counter and a woman was anxiously picking over the last few remaining turkeys in the hope of finding a large one.
In desperation she called over a shop assistant and said: ‘Excuse me. Do these turkeys get any bigger?’
‘No, madam,’ he replied, ‘They’re all dead.’
In desperation she called over a shop assistant and said: ‘Excuse me. Do these turkeys get any bigger?’
‘No, madam,’ he replied, ‘They’re all dead.’
nice one..thanks
Glad it made you.laught as it did me .
.
As good as this bar is,” said the Scotsman, “I still prefer the pubs back home. In Glasgow, there’s a wee place called McTavish’s.
The landlord goes out of his way for the locals. When you buy four drinks, he’ll buy the fifth drink.”
“Well, Angus,” said the Englishman, “At my local in London, the Red Lion, the barman will buy you your third drink after you buy the first two.”
“Ahhh, dat’s nothin’,” said the Irishman, “back home in my favourite pub, the moment you set foot in the place, they’ll buy you a drink, then another, all the drinks you like, actually.
Then, when you’ve had enough drinks, they’ll take you upstairs and see dat you get laid, all on the house!”
The Englishman and Scotsman were suspicious of the claims. The Irishman swore every word was true. “Did this actually happen to you?”
“Not myself, personally, no,” admitted the Irishman, “but it did happen to me sister quite a few times ..
The landlord goes out of his way for the locals. When you buy four drinks, he’ll buy the fifth drink.”
“Well, Angus,” said the Englishman, “At my local in London, the Red Lion, the barman will buy you your third drink after you buy the first two.”
“Ahhh, dat’s nothin’,” said the Irishman, “back home in my favourite pub, the moment you set foot in the place, they’ll buy you a drink, then another, all the drinks you like, actually.
Then, when you’ve had enough drinks, they’ll take you upstairs and see dat you get laid, all on the house!”
The Englishman and Scotsman were suspicious of the claims. The Irishman swore every word was true. “Did this actually happen to you?”
“Not myself, personally, no,” admitted the Irishman, “but it did happen to me sister quite a few times ..
Three men die on Christmas Eve and go to heaven, where they’re met by Saint Peter. “In order to get in,” he tells them, “you must each produce something representative of the holidays.”
The first man digs into his pockets and pulls out a match and lights it. “This represents a candle of hope.” Impressed, Peter lets him in.
The second man pulls out a tangle of keys and shakes them. “These are bells.” He’s allowed in too.
“So,” Peter says to the third man, “what do you have?”
The third man proudly shows him a pair of red panties.
“What do these have to do with Christmas?” asks Peter.
“They’re Carol’s.”
The first man digs into his pockets and pulls out a match and lights it. “This represents a candle of hope.” Impressed, Peter lets him in.
The second man pulls out a tangle of keys and shakes them. “These are bells.” He’s allowed in too.
“So,” Peter says to the third man, “what do you have?”
The third man proudly shows him a pair of red panties.
“What do these have to do with Christmas?” asks Peter.
“They’re Carol’s.”
Dear Son,
Just a few lines to let you know I'm still alive. I'm writing this letter slowly because I know you can't read fast. We are all doing very well.
You won't recognise the house when you get home - we have moved. Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen within 20 miles from your home, so we moved. I won't be able to send you the address because the last Irish family that lived here took the house numbers when they moved so that they wouldn't have to change their address.
This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine. I'm not sure it works so well though: last week I put a load in and pulled the chain and haven't seen them since.
Your father's got a really good job now. He's got 500 men under him. He's cutting the grass at the cemetery.
Your sister Mary had a baby this morning but I haven't found out if it's a boy or a girl, so I don't know whether you are an auntie or an uncle.
Your brother Tom is still in the army. He's only been there a short while and they've already made him a court martial!
Your Uncle Patrick drowned last week in a vat of whiskey in the Dublin Brewery. Some of his workmates tried to save him but he fought them off bravely. They cremated him and it took three days to put out the fire.
I'm sorry to say that your cousin Seamus was arrested while riding his bicycle last week. They are charging him with dope peddling.
I went to the doctor on Thursday and your father went with me. The doctor put a small tube in my mouth and told me not to talk for ten minutes. Your father offered to buy it from him.
The weather isn't bad here. It only rained twice this week, first for three days and then for four days. Monday was so windy one of the chickens laid the same egg four times.
We had a letter from the under-taker. He said if the last payment on your Grandmother's plot wasn't paid in seven days, up she comes.
About that coat you wanted me to send you, your Uncle Stanley said it would be too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets.
John locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were really worried because it took him two hours to get me and your father out.
Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pick-up truck. Ralph was driving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. Your other two friends were in back. They drowned because they couldn't get the tailgate down.
There isn't much more news at this time. Nothing much has happened.
Your loving Mum
P.S. I was going to send you some money but I had already sealed the envelope.
Just a few lines to let you know I'm still alive. I'm writing this letter slowly because I know you can't read fast. We are all doing very well.
You won't recognise the house when you get home - we have moved. Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen within 20 miles from your home, so we moved. I won't be able to send you the address because the last Irish family that lived here took the house numbers when they moved so that they wouldn't have to change their address.
This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine. I'm not sure it works so well though: last week I put a load in and pulled the chain and haven't seen them since.
Your father's got a really good job now. He's got 500 men under him. He's cutting the grass at the cemetery.
Your sister Mary had a baby this morning but I haven't found out if it's a boy or a girl, so I don't know whether you are an auntie or an uncle.
Your brother Tom is still in the army. He's only been there a short while and they've already made him a court martial!
Your Uncle Patrick drowned last week in a vat of whiskey in the Dublin Brewery. Some of his workmates tried to save him but he fought them off bravely. They cremated him and it took three days to put out the fire.
I'm sorry to say that your cousin Seamus was arrested while riding his bicycle last week. They are charging him with dope peddling.
I went to the doctor on Thursday and your father went with me. The doctor put a small tube in my mouth and told me not to talk for ten minutes. Your father offered to buy it from him.
The weather isn't bad here. It only rained twice this week, first for three days and then for four days. Monday was so windy one of the chickens laid the same egg four times.
We had a letter from the under-taker. He said if the last payment on your Grandmother's plot wasn't paid in seven days, up she comes.
About that coat you wanted me to send you, your Uncle Stanley said it would be too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets.
John locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were really worried because it took him two hours to get me and your father out.
Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pick-up truck. Ralph was driving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. Your other two friends were in back. They drowned because they couldn't get the tailgate down.
There isn't much more news at this time. Nothing much has happened.
Your loving Mum
P.S. I was going to send you some money but I had already sealed the envelope.
funny
that was actually hard to get through I was laughing that much That is brilliant!
That is brilliant!
here is Son reply
Dear Mum,
I appreciate your letter and the updates on everyone back home. It's always entertaining to hear about the happenings in the neighborhood. Moving to a new house for safety reasons sounds like a drastic but interesting decision. I hope the washing machine situation gets sorted out soon, and that the grass at the cemetery is being cut with precision.
Congratulations to Mary on the new addition to the family, and fingers crossed for the outcome of Seamus' bicycle escapade. I'm sorry to hear about Uncle Patrick, but it seems he went out in a blaze of glory, quite literally.
Uncle Stanley's logic about the coat made me chuckle, and I'm grateful to John for eventually getting the keys out of the car. The story about the friends and the pick-up truck is both tragic and oddly comical.
Please tell Dad I said hi and that I appreciate his sense of humor, especially with the doctor's visit. I hope the weather improves, and that the chicken's egg-laying habits become more consistent.
Thanks for the update, and no worries about the money. I'm doing fine here. Take care of yourselves, and I look forward to hearing more amusing tales from home.
Love,[Your Son]
Dear Mum,
I appreciate your letter and the updates on everyone back home. It's always entertaining to hear about the happenings in the neighborhood. Moving to a new house for safety reasons sounds like a drastic but interesting decision. I hope the washing machine situation gets sorted out soon, and that the grass at the cemetery is being cut with precision.
Congratulations to Mary on the new addition to the family, and fingers crossed for the outcome of Seamus' bicycle escapade. I'm sorry to hear about Uncle Patrick, but it seems he went out in a blaze of glory, quite literally.
Uncle Stanley's logic about the coat made me chuckle, and I'm grateful to John for eventually getting the keys out of the car. The story about the friends and the pick-up truck is both tragic and oddly comical.
Please tell Dad I said hi and that I appreciate his sense of humor, especially with the doctor's visit. I hope the weather improves, and that the chicken's egg-laying habits become more consistent.
Thanks for the update, and no worries about the money. I'm doing fine here. Take care of yourselves, and I look forward to hearing more amusing tales from home.
Love,[Your Son]
I guess Carol's trying to turn Christmas into a 'brief' affair!
I wonder if those pubs offer a 'sibling discount' on the drinks and extra perks!
A common story
Santa comes down a chimney one Christmas Eve and to his surprise finds a gorgeous brunette waiting for him, wearing the sexiest lingerie imaginable.
“Santa,” she purrs, “Can you stay for a while?”
Santa says, “Ho, ho ho! I’ve gotta go! Have to deliver toys to children, you know!”
She comes close, starts playing with his beard, whispers in his ear, “Santa, don’t you have a gift you would like to give me?”
Santa says, “Ho, ho, ho! I’ve gotta go! Have to spread Christmas cheer, you know!”
The brunette takes off her straps, giving Santa a view of her breasts and says, “Santa, are you sure there’s no gift you’d like to leave?”
Santa says, “Hey hey hey, might as well stay. I can’t get up the chimney this way!”
“Santa,” she purrs, “Can you stay for a while?”
Santa says, “Ho, ho ho! I’ve gotta go! Have to deliver toys to children, you know!”
She comes close, starts playing with his beard, whispers in his ear, “Santa, don’t you have a gift you would like to give me?”
Santa says, “Ho, ho, ho! I’ve gotta go! Have to spread Christmas cheer, you know!”
The brunette takes off her straps, giving Santa a view of her breasts and says, “Santa, are you sure there’s no gift you’d like to leave?”
Santa says, “Hey hey hey, might as well stay. I can’t get up the chimney this way!”