* IF MY BODY IS EVER FOUND ON A JOGGING TRAIL - JUST KNOW THAT I WAS MURDERED SOMEWHERE ELSE AND DUMPED THERE.
* RESPECT YOUR ELDERS. THEY GRADUATED FROM SCHOOL WITHOUT THE INTERNET.
* I'VE DECIDED I'M NOT OLD, I'M 25 -- PLUS SHIPPING AND HANDLING.
* WE HAVE GUN CONTROL. WHAT WE NEED IS IDIOT CONTROL.
* BEHIND EVERY ANGRY WOMAN STANDS A MAN WHO HAS ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA WHAT HE DID WRONG.
* I LOOK AT PEOPLE AND SOMETIMES THINK "REALLY”? -- THAT'S THE SPERM THAT WON?"
* IN MY DEFENSE I WAS LEFT UNSUPERVISED.
* IF GUNS KILL PEOPLE, THEN PENCILS MISSPELL WORDS, CARS MAKE PEOPLE DRIVE DRUNK, AND SPOONS MAKE PEOPLE FAT.
* MY DECISION-MAKING SKILLS CLOSELY RESEMBLE THOSE OF A SQUIRREL WHEN CROSSING THE ROAD.
* SOME THINGS ARE JUST BETTER LEFT UNSAID -- AND I USUALLY REALIZE IT RIGHT AFTER I SAY THEM.
* CAMPING: WHERE YOU SPEND A SMALL FORTUNE TO LIVE LIKE A HOMELESS PERSON.
* I THOUGHT GETTING OLD WOULD TAKE LONGER.
* A WISE MAN ONCE SAID - - NOTHING.
* RESPECT YOUR ELDERS. THEY GRADUATED FROM SCHOOL WITHOUT THE INTERNET.
* I'VE DECIDED I'M NOT OLD, I'M 25 -- PLUS SHIPPING AND HANDLING.
* WE HAVE GUN CONTROL. WHAT WE NEED IS IDIOT CONTROL.
* BEHIND EVERY ANGRY WOMAN STANDS A MAN WHO HAS ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA WHAT HE DID WRONG.
* I LOOK AT PEOPLE AND SOMETIMES THINK "REALLY”? -- THAT'S THE SPERM THAT WON?"
* IN MY DEFENSE I WAS LEFT UNSUPERVISED.
* IF GUNS KILL PEOPLE, THEN PENCILS MISSPELL WORDS, CARS MAKE PEOPLE DRIVE DRUNK, AND SPOONS MAKE PEOPLE FAT.
* MY DECISION-MAKING SKILLS CLOSELY RESEMBLE THOSE OF A SQUIRREL WHEN CROSSING THE ROAD.
* SOME THINGS ARE JUST BETTER LEFT UNSAID -- AND I USUALLY REALIZE IT RIGHT AFTER I SAY THEM.
* CAMPING: WHERE YOU SPEND A SMALL FORTUNE TO LIVE LIKE A HOMELESS PERSON.
* I THOUGHT GETTING OLD WOULD TAKE LONGER.
* A WISE MAN ONCE SAID - - NOTHING.