Funniest Teaching Experiences in China

[Vollyliu]

Hank Young
I'm not a teacher, but I was once persuaded to give an English lesson… in a bar. A few years back I was chilling out in a downtown Guangzhou bar. Just a quiet Saturday afternoon, sitting alone with a pint and reading the news on my phone.
"Hey Scots", the bar manager said. "Our regular English teacher can't come today. Can you give the English lesson to all the bar staff today?"
Me: " Erm no, I am not a teacher and... erm... my version of English is not one you will understand"
"No problem", she said. "Just sit at the table and talk about whisky for an hour"
"Nahh…" I replied, insisting in the negative.
"We will give you free beer for the night", she persuasively suggested.
So. I spent an hour, talking in a Scottish accent, to an audience of about 20 young female bar staff. And I know a lot about whisky so I could easily have spent four hours going through their selection of bottles. As it was, I only had time to pick a few of the better ones to sample and describe. My lecture was deemed a success, and I retired to my seat at the bar as many hands clapped.
"Free beer?" I winked.
"Of course", they nodded.
My lecture finished at 6:00 pm. By 10:30pm they were a bit worried that I was still sitting at the bar drinking the free beer.
My wife phoned me.... "Hey Scots, don't be late home tonight." She moaned at me.
"I am getting free beer", I explained.
"Stay as long as you can then", she rejoiced. My wife is very Cantonese you see.
So I stayed till the beer pumps were switched off and the doors were being locked. And as I stumbled out of the bar at 3:00 am, I remember thinking that they would never again ask me to give another English lesson with the offer of free beer. And they never did.
:lotpot:

 

[Oldone3pp]

We all like a laugh when something is funny

However posting in this manner and adding contact details as you have just makes this a spam post

If you post again in this manner you will be shown the door.

Contact details in your topic have been removed

 

[Katzenfreund]

@Oldone
Had I read your reply first, it would have saved me reading all that lot of a flat joke.

 

[Oldone3pp]

Yeah it was somewhat dry :gun:

It's enough to drive a man to drink :lotpot:

 

[Katzenfreund]

Yeah, flat as my local's beer. No spirit in it. And I was in vain waiting for the punch line.

 

[NavyRet]

Perhaps it was funnier in Chinese.

 

[Oldone3pp]

Perhaps it was funnier in Chinese.

Hmm lets try that then :lotpot:

Hàn kè·yáng
wǒ bùshì yīgè lǎoshī, dàn wǒ céngjīng shuōfú jiāo chū yī jié yīngyǔ kè...... Zài yī jiàn jiǔbā. Jǐ nián qián wǒ hánxīnle zài guǎngzhōu shì qū de jiǔbā. Zhǐshì yīgè ānjìng de zhōu liù xiàwǔ, dúzì zuò zài yīpǐn tuō hé yuèdú zài wǒ de shǒujī de xiāoxī.
“Hēi sūgélán rén” jiǔbā jīnglǐ shuō. “Wǒmen de pǔtōng yīngyǔ lǎoshī wúfǎ zǒu dào jīntiān. Nǐ néng bùnéng gěi yīngyǔ kè de suǒyǒu jiǔbā de gōngzuò rényuán jīntiān? ”
Wǒ shuō: “È, bù, wǒ bùshì lǎoshī...... È...... Wǒ de bǎnběn de yīngyǔ shì bùshì yīgè nǐ huì míngbái”
“méi wèntí”, tā shuō. “Zhǐyào zuò zài zhuō páng, liáo liáo wēishìjì yī xiǎoshí”
“Nahh...... ” Wǒ huídá shuō, jiānchí shì fǒudìng de.
“Wǒmen huì wèi nín miǎnfèi píjiǔ yè”, tā yǒu shuōfú lì jiànyì.
Suǒyǐ. Wǒ huāle yīgè xiǎoshí, zài sūgélán kǒuyīn shuōhuà, gěi guānzhòng yuē 20 míng niánqīng de nǚ jiǔbā de gōngzuò rényuán. Wǒ zhīdàole hěnduō guānyú wēishìjì, suǒyǐ wǒ kěyǐ hěn róngyì dì yòngle sì gè xiǎoshí yánjiūle tāmen de xuǎnzé píng. Yīnwèi tā shì, wǒ zhǐ láidéjí tiāo jǐ de gèng hǎo de pǐncháng hé miáoshù. Wǒ de yǎnjiǎng bèi rènwéi shì chénggōng de, wǒ tuìxiūle wǒ de zuòwèi zài jiǔbā hěnduō shǒu gǔzhǎng.
“Miǎnfèi píjiǔ ma? ” Wǒ zhǎ zhǎ yǎnjīng.
“Dāngrán”, tāmen diǎndiǎn tóu.
Wǒ de yǎnjiǎng jiéshù rì xiàwǔ 6:00. Yóu wǎnshàng 10:30, Tāmen yǒudiǎn dānxīn, wǒ dāngshí hái zuò zài jiǔbā hē miǎnfèi píjiǔ.
Wǒ de qīzi dǎ diànhuà gěi wǒ......“Hēi sūgélán rén, bùyào jīn wǎn huí jiā wǎnle. ” Tā shēnyínzhe wǒ.
“Wǒ dédào miǎnfèi píjiǔ”, wǒ jiěshì.
“Liú zhǐyào nǐ kěyǐ zài”, tā huānxīn gǔwǔ. Wǒ de qīzi shì fēicháng yuèyǔ kàn dào.
Suǒyǐ wǒ liú xiàlái, zhídào píjiǔ bèng bèi guānbì, mén dū bèi suǒdìng. Dāng wǒ diédiézhuàngzhuàng de zǒuchū jiǔbā língchén 3:00, Wǒ jìdé wǒ yǐwéi zìjǐ zài yě bù huì jiào wǒ gěi lìng yīgè yīngyǔ kèle miǎnfèi píjiǔ de bàojià. Tāmen cónglái méiyǒu.

Nope no not funny in chinese either...Lets try scottish.....

Henk yoong i'm nae a teacher, but Ah was ance persuaded tae gie an sassenach lesson… in a bar. puckle years back Ah was chillin' it in a downtoon guangzhoo bar. jist a whieest seturday efternuin, sittin' aloyn wi' a pint an' readin' th' bark oan mah phain. "hey scots", th' bar manager said. "oor regular sassenach teacher cannae come the-day. can ye gie th' sassenach lesson tae aw th' bar staff the-day?" me: " erm nae, Ah am nae a teacher an'... erm... mah version ay sassenach isnae a body ye will understand" "no problem", she said. "joost sit at th' table an' gab abit watter o' life fur an hoor" "nahh…" Ah replied, insistin' in th' negatife. "we will gie ye free swally fur th' night", she persuasively suggested. so. Ah spent an hoor, talkin' in a scottish accent, tae an audience ay abit 20 yoong female bar staff. an' Ah ken a lot abit watter o' life sae Ah coods easily hae spent fower hoors gonnae ben their selection ay bottles. as it was, Ah only hud time tae pick puckle ay th' better ones tae sample an' describe. mah lecture was deemed a success, an' Ah retired tae mah seat at th' bar as mony hans clapped. "free swally?" Ah winked. "of coorse", they nodded. my lecture finished at 6:00 pm. by 10:30pm they waur a bit woriat 'at Ah was still sittin' at th' bar skitin' th' free swally. my guidwife phoned me.... "hey scots, dornt be late haem tonecht." she moaned at me. "i am gettin' free beer", Ah explained. "stay as lang as ye can then", she rejoiced. mah guidwife is huir uv a cantonese ye see. so Ah biddin till th' swally pumps waur switched aff an' th' doors waur bein' locked. an' as Ah stumbled it ay th' bar at 3:00 am, Ah min' thinkin' 'at they woods ne'er again ask me tae gie anither sassenach lesson wi' th' offer ay free swally. an' they ne'er did.

 

[Katzenfreund]

Ah, so. Chinese cat not amused

Och aye. Scottish cat sees nothing in it.