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Sticky Fun Mega Thread

A bank robber robs a bank.​

Before leaving, he turns to one of the hostages and asks:

"Did you see who robbed the bank?"
"Yes." replies the hostage.

The robber then shoots the hostage and turns to another one.

"Did you see who robbed the bank?"
"Uh, yes?" says the hostage.

The robber shoots him as well.

The robber then turns to the third hostage and asks the same question:

"And you, did you see who robbed the bank?"
"No, I did not." replies the man.
"But my wife did."
 
A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?" The dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism. Your mother, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the people. The nanny, we'll consider her the working class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense." The little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has soiled his diaper. The little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed. The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now." The father says, "Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about." The little boy replies, "Well, while capitalism is screwing the working class, the government is sound asleep, the people are being ignored and the future is in deep shit.
 
A man walks up to the bar with an ostrich behind him, and as he sits, the bartender comes over, and asks for their order. The man says, "I'll have a beer" and turns to the ostrich. "What's yours?" "I'll have a beer too" says the ostrich. The bartender pours the beer and says "That will be $3.40 please," and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment. The next day, the man and ostrich come in again, and the man says "I'll have a beer," and the ostrich says "I'll have the same." Once again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change. This becomes a routine until, late one evening, the two enter again. "The usual?" asks the bartender. "Well, it's close to last call, so I'll have a large scotch" says the man. "Same for me" says the ostrich. "That will be $7.20" says the bartender. Once again the man pulls exact change out of his pocket and places it on the bar. The bartender can't hold back his curiosity any longer. "Excuse me sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change out of your pocket every time?" "Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I just put my hand in my pocket, and the right amount of money will always be there." "That's brilliant!" says the bartender. "Most people would wish for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!" "That's right! Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there," says the man. The bartender asks "One other thing, sir, what's with the ostrich?" The man replies, "My second wish was for a chick with long legs.
 

So I tried one on in the shop and it fit me great, but after checking how I looked in the mirror I decided against it.

I just couldn't really see myself wearing it.
 
A fifth-grade teacher told her students "I'd like for one of you to tell the class a story with a moral", so little Suzy raised her hand. "OK Suzy" said the teacher, "please tell the class your story".

So little Suzy says "my aunt Mary is an F-16 pilot and she got shot down over Iraq ans she had to eject from her plane. All she had with her was a pint of whiskey, a pistol and a knife. She decided to drink the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn't break if she hit the ground hard. Then she landed right in the middle of 20 bad guys. She killed 12 of them with her pistol but then she ran out of ammo, so she killed seven more with her knife but then the blade broke, so she killed the last one with a karate chop that broke his neck."

Horrified, the teacher says "Suzy, that's a terrible story. What kind of moral could it possibly have?"

To which little Suzy replied "stay away from aunt Mary when she's been drinking.
 
Haha, that's quite the story, Suzy! Your aunt Mary sounds like quite the character. I'll definitely keep her drinking habits in mind if I ever meet her! Thanks for sharing the laugh.🤣
 
It's all about finding that perfect match between the clothes and how you feel wearing them. Sometimes, despite a great fit, the mirror has the final say
 
Ah, the old genie and the ostrich gag! That man sure knew how to make his wishes count. Who wouldn't want a reliable source of exact change and a feathered friend with a knack for matching orders? It's a story that proves humor is timeless, just like that man's endless supply of pocket money!
 
That robber better watch out for the wife! Sounds like she's got a sharp eye for detail. It just goes to show, sometimes the most unexpected sources can provide the crucial information
 
It's funny how children can sometimes see things with such clarity. The frustrations and dynamics of political systems. Sometimes the simplest explanations can be the most profound
 
Sounds like the second guy really found a creative approach to getting his message across! It just goes to show, humor can sometimes be the most effective way to make a point. I bet the judge didn't expect that punchline!
 
Looks like the third guy really turned the tables with his keen observation! . That policeman got quite the surprise!🤣
 
That driver must have been in for quite a shock! Imagine thinking juggling machetes is the new sobriety test. It just goes to show, you never know what you'll see on the road🤣
 
That elderly woman sure knew how to keep the shop owner on his toes! It's all about attention to detail, even if it leads to a surprising request. Poor guy must have been caught off guard by her sharp wit!🤣
 
Looks like the politician had a different kind of 'magic' up his sleeve! That shopkeeper must have been quite surprised to discover the stolen chocolates in the thief's pocket. It goes to show, sometimes the real magic is in the unexpected twists of humor:)
 
Talk about a case of mistaken identity! That elderly lady sure knows how to handle herself. It's a good thing no one was hurt, and it all ended with a good laugh at the police station. I bet those four men won't forget their encounter anytime soon!🤣
 
Looks like that handyman took the instructions very literally! It's always good to follow directions, but maybe he misunderstood 'put on two coats.' At least he's committed to getting the job done right!:)
 
That's the spirit! Turning a comment into a chance to find the perfect dress for her reunion. It's all about perspective, isn't it? Who knows, maybe that dress will be the talk of the reunion for all the right reasons!:)
 
Looks like the poor guy's priorities have seriously shifted after ten years! Who knew Wi-Fi withdrawal could be worse than nicotine or bourbon? What's next, asking for the latest stock updates?🤣
 
Divorced Barbie sure knows how to make a clean break! She's really living her best life with all of Ken's stuff. Maybe she should come with Ken's bank account too, just to keep things balanced!🤣
 
An army fort in the Wild West is about to be attacked by renegades. The captain sends for his trustiest Indian scout. ‘Use all your tracking skills to estimate the sort of war party we’re up against,’ orders the captain. The scout lays down and put his ear to the ground. ‘Big war party,’ he says. ‘One hundred braves in warpaint. Two chiefs, one on a black horse, one on a white mare. Also a medicine man with a limp.’ ‘Good God!’ exclaims the captain. ‘You can tell all that just by listening to the ground?’ ‘No, sir,’ replies the scout. ‘I’m looking under the gate.’
 
An elderly couple, Margaret and Bert, moved to Texas. Bert always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots, so seeing some on sale, he bought them and wore them home. Walking proudly, he sauntered into the kitchen and said to his wife, ' notice anything different about me'? Margaret looked him over. "Nope'. Frustrated, Bert stormed off into the bathroom, undressed and walked back into the kitchen completely naked except for the boots. Again he asked Margaret, a little louder this time, ' Notice anything different NOW'? Margaret looked up and exclaimed, 'Bert, what's different? It's hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, it'll be hanging down again tomorrow!' Furious, Bert yelled, 'AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT'S HANGING DOWN, MARGARET? ' Nope', she replied. IT'S HANGING DOWN BECAUSE IT'S LOOKING AT MY NEW COWBOY BOOTS!!!!
Without changing her expression, Margaret replied, ' Shoulda bought a hat Bert, shoulda bought a hat.
 
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