When Chuck Norris orders a vodka martini it shakes AND stirs itself.
When Alexander Bell invented the telephone he had 3 missed calls from Chuck Norris
Fear of spiders is aracnaphobia, fear of tight spaces is chlaustraphobia, fear of Chuck Norris is called Logic
Chuck Norris doesn't call the wrong number. You answer the wrong phone.
There used to be a street named after Chuck Norris, but it was changed because nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives.
Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear carpet in his room. The bear isn't dead it is just afriad to move.
Chuck Norris died 20 years ago, Death just hasn't built up the courage to tell him yet.
If you rate this 5 roundhouse kicks, then Chuck Norris WILL roundhouse kick Justin Bieber's ass.
Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life.
Some magicans can walk on water, Chuck Norris can swim through land.
Chuck Norris and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing his underwear on the outside of his pants.
Chuck Norris once urinated in a semi truck's gas tank as a joke....that truck is now known as Optimus Prime.
Chuck Norris can cut through a hot knife with butter
Chuck Norris doesn't flush the toilet, he scares the sh*t out of it
Ghosts sit around the campfire and tell Chuck Norris stories.
Death once had a near-Chuck Norris experience
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Once the cop pulled over Chuck Norris....the cop was lucky to leave with a warning.
Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.
Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its decendants are known today as Giraffes.
Chuck Norris won American Idol using only sign language
Chuck Norris once got bit by a rattle snake........ After three days of pain and agony ..................the rattle snake died
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
Chuck Norris can light a fire by rubbing two ice-cubes together.
The original title for Alien vs. Predator was Alien and Predator vs Chuck Norris.
The film was cancelled shortly after going into preproduction. No one would pay nine dollars to see a movie fourteen seconds long.
Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
Chuck Norris won the World Series of Poker using Pokemon cards
Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.
Chuck Norris made a Happy Meal cry.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Chuck Norris built the hospital he was born in.
Chuck Norris doesn't have to hold his breath under water. Water knows better than to try and drown Chuck Norris.
Latin insulted Chuck Norris. It is now a dead language.
Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris once went sky diving, he did not use a parachute. The spot he landed on is now known as the Grand Canyon.
Chuck Norris can smash an air guitar
In 2003 Chuck Norris went on holiday to Iraq. Later the United States invaded the country blaming Iraq for having a weapon of mass destruction.
Children are warned not to run with scissors. Scissors are warned not to run with Chuck Norris.
Children are warned not to run with scissors. Scissors are warned not to run with Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesnt mow his lawn. He just stands outside and dares it to grow.
When Chuck Norris sends you a poke on Facebook it kills you.
Be afraid when you see Chuck Norris, be VERY afraid when you don't see Chuck Norris.
Leading hand sanitisers claim they can kill 99.9% of germs. Chuck Norris can kill 100% of whatever the hell he wants.
When Alexander Bell invented the telephone he had 3 missed calls from Chuck Norris
Fear of spiders is aracnaphobia, fear of tight spaces is chlaustraphobia, fear of Chuck Norris is called Logic
Chuck Norris doesn't call the wrong number. You answer the wrong phone.
There used to be a street named after Chuck Norris, but it was changed because nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives.
Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear carpet in his room. The bear isn't dead it is just afriad to move.
Chuck Norris died 20 years ago, Death just hasn't built up the courage to tell him yet.
If you rate this 5 roundhouse kicks, then Chuck Norris WILL roundhouse kick Justin Bieber's ass.
Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life.
Some magicans can walk on water, Chuck Norris can swim through land.
Chuck Norris and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing his underwear on the outside of his pants.
Chuck Norris once urinated in a semi truck's gas tank as a joke....that truck is now known as Optimus Prime.
Chuck Norris can cut through a hot knife with butter
Chuck Norris doesn't flush the toilet, he scares the sh*t out of it
Ghosts sit around the campfire and tell Chuck Norris stories.
Death once had a near-Chuck Norris experience
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Once the cop pulled over Chuck Norris....the cop was lucky to leave with a warning.
Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.
Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its decendants are known today as Giraffes.
Chuck Norris won American Idol using only sign language
Chuck Norris once got bit by a rattle snake........ After three days of pain and agony ..................the rattle snake died
There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
Chuck Norris can light a fire by rubbing two ice-cubes together.
The original title for Alien vs. Predator was Alien and Predator vs Chuck Norris.
The film was cancelled shortly after going into preproduction. No one would pay nine dollars to see a movie fourteen seconds long.
Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
Chuck Norris won the World Series of Poker using Pokemon cards
Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.
Chuck Norris made a Happy Meal cry.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Chuck Norris built the hospital he was born in.
Chuck Norris doesn't have to hold his breath under water. Water knows better than to try and drown Chuck Norris.
Latin insulted Chuck Norris. It is now a dead language.
Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris once went sky diving, he did not use a parachute. The spot he landed on is now known as the Grand Canyon.
Chuck Norris can smash an air guitar
In 2003 Chuck Norris went on holiday to Iraq. Later the United States invaded the country blaming Iraq for having a weapon of mass destruction.
Children are warned not to run with scissors. Scissors are warned not to run with Chuck Norris.
Children are warned not to run with scissors. Scissors are warned not to run with Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesnt mow his lawn. He just stands outside and dares it to grow.
When Chuck Norris sends you a poke on Facebook it kills you.
Be afraid when you see Chuck Norris, be VERY afraid when you don't see Chuck Norris.
Leading hand sanitisers claim they can kill 99.9% of germs. Chuck Norris can kill 100% of whatever the hell he wants.