YOU KNOW THE FRONT FROM THE BACK OF A TREE?
A REDNECK FROM GEORGIA DECIDES TO TRAVEL ACROSS THE
SOUTH TO VIRGINIA TO SEE GOD'S COUNTRY.
WHEN HE GETS TO FRANKLIN, HE LIKES THE PLACE SO MUCH
THAT HE DECIDES TO STAY. BUT FIRST HE MUST FIND A JOB!
HE WALKS INTO THE INTERNATIONAL PAPER COMPANY OFFICE
AND FILLS OUT AN APPLICATION AS AN EXPERIENCED LOG
INSPECTOR. IT'S HIS LUCKY DAY!!! THEY JUST HAPPEN TO BE
LOOKING FOR SOMEONE, BUT FIRST, THE LOG FOREMAN TAKES
HIM FOR A RIDE INTO THE FOREST IN THE COMPANY PICKUP
TRUCK TO SEE HOW MUCH HE KNOWS.
THE FOREMAN STOPS THE TRUCK ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD
AND POINTS AT A TREE 'SEE THAT TREE OVER THERE? I WANT
YOU TO TELL ME WHAT SPECIES IT IS AND HOW MANY BOARD
FEET OF LUMBER IT CONTAINS.'
THE REDNECK PROMPTLY ANSWERS, 'THAT THAR'S A WHITE
PINE, 383 BOARD FEET OF LUMBER IN 'ER.'
THE FOREMAN IS IMPRESSED! HE PUTS THE TRUCK IN MOTION
AND STOPS ABOUT A MILE DOWN THE ROAD. HE POINTS AT
ANOTHER TREE THROUGH THE PASSENGER WINDOW AND ASKS
THE SAME QUESTION. THIS TIME, IT'S A BIGGER TREE OF A
DIFFERENT CLASS.
THAT'S A LOB LOLLY PINE AND SHE'S GOT ABOUT 456 CLEAR
BOARD FEET.'
THE FOREMAN IS REALLY IMPRESSED WITH THE GOOD OL' BOY,
HE HAS BEEN QUICK AND GOT THE ANSWERS RIGHT WITHOUT
USING A CALCULATOR!
ONE MORE TEST. THEY DRIVE A LITTLE FURTHER DOWN THE ROAD,
AND THE FOREMAN STOPS AGAIN. THIS TIME, HE POINTS ACROSS
THE ROAD THROUGH HIS DRIVER SIDE WINDOW AND SAYS,
AND WHAT ABOUT THAT ONE?'
BEFORE THE FOREMAN FINISHES POINTING, THE REDNECK SAYS,
WHITE OAK, 242 BOARD FEET
THE FOREMAN SPINS THE TRUCK AROUND AND HEADS BACK TO
THE OFFICE A LITTLE TICKED OFF BECAUSE HE THINKS THE RED
NECK IS SMARTER THAN HE IS. AS THEY NEAR THE OFFICE,
THE FOREMAN STOPS THE TRUCK
AND ASKS BUBBA TO STEP OUTSIDE.
HE HANDS HIM A PIECE OF CHALK AND TELLS HIM, 'SEE THAT TREE OVER
THERE?' 'I WANT YOU TO MARK AN X ON THE FRONT OF THAT TREE!'
THE FOREMAN THINKS TO HIMSELF, 'IDIOT, HOW THE HELL
WOULD HE KNOW WHICH IS THE FRONT OF THE TREE?'
WHEN BUBBA REACHES THE TREE, HE GOES AROUND IT IN A CIRCLE
WHILE LOOKING AT THE GROUND. HE THEN REACHES UP AND PLACES
A WHITE X ON THE TRUNK.
HE WALKS BACK TO THE FOREMAN AND HANDS HIM THE CHALK.
THAT THAR'S THE FRONT,' THE REDNECK SAYS.
THE FOREMAN LAUGHS TO HIMSELF AND ASKS SARCASTICALLY,
HOW IN THE HELL DO YOU KNOW THAT'S THE FRONT OF THE TREE?'
THE GOOD OL' BOY LOOKS DOWN AT HIS FEET, WHILE RUBBING
THE TOE OF HIS LEFT BOOT CLEANING IT IN THE GRAVEL AND REPLIES,
CUZ SOMEBODY TOOK A DUMP BEHIND IT.
HE GOT THE JOB AND IS NOW THE FOREMAN!