1. A jump-lead walks into a bar. The barman says ''I'll serve you, but don't start anything''
2. Slept like a log last night........ Woke up in the fireplace.
3. A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar. The barman says, ''Is this some kind of joke?''
4. A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says ''Sorry we don't serve food in here''
5. The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow. I rang her up, I said ''Did you get my drift?''.
6. I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day. Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.
7. When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: ''I love the simple things in life, but I don't want one of them for my husband''.
8. ''My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We'll see about that.''
9. I rang up British Telecom, I said, ''I want to report a nuisance caller'', he said ''Not you again''.
10. I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.
11. There's two fish in a tank, and one says ''How do you drive this thing?''
12. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
13. Went to the paper shop - it had blown away.
2. Slept like a log last night........ Woke up in the fireplace.
3. A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar. The barman says, ''Is this some kind of joke?''
4. A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says ''Sorry we don't serve food in here''
5. The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow. I rang her up, I said ''Did you get my drift?''.
6. I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day. Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.
7. When Susan's boyfriend proposed marriage to her she said: ''I love the simple things in life, but I don't want one of them for my husband''.
8. ''My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We'll see about that.''
9. I rang up British Telecom, I said, ''I want to report a nuisance caller'', he said ''Not you again''.
10. I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.
11. There's two fish in a tank, and one says ''How do you drive this thing?''
12. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
13. Went to the paper shop - it had blown away.