Holiday Party
FROM; Eatmyshorts, Human Resources Director
TO Everyone
RE Christmas Party
DATE December 1
I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on:
December 23, starting at noon in the rear garden at Weasers. Open Pit Barbecue. No-host bar, but plenty of eggnog! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols...feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if our Navy shows up dressed as Santa Claus!
__________________________________________________________________
FROM; EMS, Human Resources Director
DATE December 2
RE Christmas Party
In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Hanukah is an important holiday which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year.
However, from now on, we're calling it our "Holiday Party".
___________________________________________________________________
FROM;EMS, Human Resources Director
DATE December 7
RE Holiday Party
What a diverse company we are! I had no idea that December 20 begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating, drinking and sex during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs. Perhaps Weaser can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party...the days are so short this time of year...or else package everything for take-home in little foil swans.
_________________________________________________________________
FROM; EMS, Human Resources Director
DATE December 8
RE Holiday Party
So December 22 marks the Winter Solstice... Fire regulations at Weaser's prohibit the burning of sage by our earth-based, Goddess-worshipping employees, but we'll try to accommodate your shamanic drumming circle during the band's breaks.
____________________________________________________________________
FROM; EMS, Human Resources Director
Date December 9
RE Holiday Party
People, people, nothing sinister was intended by having Navy dress up like Santa Claus! Even if the anagram of "Santa" does happen to be "Satan", there is no evil connotation to our own "little man in a red suit". It's a tradition, folks, like sugar shock at Halloween or family feuds over the Thanksgiving turkey or broken hearts on Valentine's Day. Could we lighten up?
____________________________________________________________________
FROM; EMS, Human Resources Director
DATE December 10
RE Holiday Party
Vegetarians!?!?!? I've had it with you people!!! We're going to keep this party at Weaser's Open Pit Barbecue whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table farthest from the "grill of death", as you so quaintly put it, and you'll get your #$%^&*! salad bar, including hydroponic tomatoes...but you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. Tomatoes scream when you slice them...I've heard them scream, I'm hearing them scream right now...!
___________________________________________________________________
FROM Poke, Acting Human Resources Director
DATE December 14
RE EMS and Holiday Party
I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing EMS a speedy recovery from his stress-related illness and I'll continue to forward your cards to him at the sanitarium. In the meantime, management has decided to cancel the Holiday party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.
Happy Chanue-Kwanzaa-Solsti-Rama-Mas
FROM; Eatmyshorts, Human Resources Director
TO Everyone
RE Christmas Party
DATE December 1
I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on:
December 23, starting at noon in the rear garden at Weasers. Open Pit Barbecue. No-host bar, but plenty of eggnog! We'll have a small band playing traditional carols...feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if our Navy shows up dressed as Santa Claus!
__________________________________________________________________
FROM; EMS, Human Resources Director
DATE December 2
RE Christmas Party
In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that Hanukah is an important holiday which often coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year.
However, from now on, we're calling it our "Holiday Party".
___________________________________________________________________
FROM;EMS, Human Resources Director
DATE December 7
RE Holiday Party
What a diverse company we are! I had no idea that December 20 begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating, drinking and sex during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs. Perhaps Weaser can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party...the days are so short this time of year...or else package everything for take-home in little foil swans.
_________________________________________________________________
FROM; EMS, Human Resources Director
DATE December 8
RE Holiday Party
So December 22 marks the Winter Solstice... Fire regulations at Weaser's prohibit the burning of sage by our earth-based, Goddess-worshipping employees, but we'll try to accommodate your shamanic drumming circle during the band's breaks.
____________________________________________________________________
FROM; EMS, Human Resources Director
Date December 9
RE Holiday Party
People, people, nothing sinister was intended by having Navy dress up like Santa Claus! Even if the anagram of "Santa" does happen to be "Satan", there is no evil connotation to our own "little man in a red suit". It's a tradition, folks, like sugar shock at Halloween or family feuds over the Thanksgiving turkey or broken hearts on Valentine's Day. Could we lighten up?
____________________________________________________________________
FROM; EMS, Human Resources Director
DATE December 10
RE Holiday Party
Vegetarians!?!?!? I've had it with you people!!! We're going to keep this party at Weaser's Open Pit Barbecue whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table farthest from the "grill of death", as you so quaintly put it, and you'll get your #$%^&*! salad bar, including hydroponic tomatoes...but you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. Tomatoes scream when you slice them...I've heard them scream, I'm hearing them scream right now...!
___________________________________________________________________
FROM Poke, Acting Human Resources Director
DATE December 14
RE EMS and Holiday Party
I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing EMS a speedy recovery from his stress-related illness and I'll continue to forward your cards to him at the sanitarium. In the meantime, management has decided to cancel the Holiday party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.
Happy Chanue-Kwanzaa-Solsti-Rama-Mas
